Eze Writes: Importance of trust and how to build trust in a relationship.

Imagine a life sans trust: Your spouse goes to work and you don’t have peace of mind; your partner checks their messages and you can’t accept that it is just a friend from their school; you want to share a secret with your spouse, but you are not sure if they will keep the secret.
Without trust, each moment in your life becomes a nightmare. It is difficult for relationships to thrive. In fact, a relationship without trust is simply chaotic and dysfunctional. MomJunction briefs you about the importance of trust in a relationship, how to build it, and how to rebuild it in a relationship.

What Is Trust In A Relationship?
Trust is the faith you have in someone that they will always remain loyal to you and love you. To trust someone means that you can rely on them and are comfortable confiding in them because you feel safe with them.
It is the building block for any relationship without which the foundation will always remain shaky.

Why Is Trust Important In A Relationship?

Trust is that foundation upon which your relationship can survive the hardest of times. In fact, without trust, you cannot sustain your relationship for a long time.
Lack of trust is one of the reasons for relationships to fall apart. Here is why trust is the driving factor in relationships:
• You cannot love without trusting a person. As mentioned earlier, trust is the building block of love. Just like how a child trusts her mother and thereby loves her, your partner needs to know that you are trustworthy and won’t ditch them in difficult times. This feeling is important for love to sprout and flourish.
• Trust helps overcome obstacles. It is the binding factor for all cracks and differences in a relationship. You know deep down that you can overcome the problems and feel safe and secure with your partner.
• Trust helps in healing. When you get hurt in your relationship, you get over it due to the deep trust that you have in your spouse.
• It helps control your emotions. The degree to which you trust a person determines how much of yourself you want to give to him/her. If you are hurt or annoyed at them, it is only trust that tells you that there must be some reason behind their annoying behavior.
• It is reassuring. Trust gives you the reassurance that your partner loves you despite the arguments and fights that you might have. That is the key to a long-lasting relationship.
• You don’t need justifications. When you trust your partner absolutely you don’t need to explain or justify everything. You know that your partner will understand and trust your actions and decisions.
• It teaches you about personal time and space. You don’t feel insecure about giving your partner their space. In fact, trust helps you stay close in spite of the obstacles.
So, how do you know whether you can trust your partner or not? It can be a tricky thing, but you can look for some signs.

Trust is that foundation upon which your relationship can survive the hardest of times. In fact, without trust, you cannot sustain your relationship for a long time.
Lack of trust is one of the reasons for relationships to fall apart. Here is why trust is the driving factor in relationships:


• You cannot love without trusting a person. As mentioned earlier, trust is the building block of love. Just like how a child trusts her mother and thereby loves her, your partner needs to know that you are trustworthy and won’t ditch them in difficult times. This feeling is important for love to sprout and flourish.


• Trust helps overcome obstacles. It is the binding factor for all cracks and differences in a relationship. You know deep down that you can overcome the problems and feel safe and secure with your partner.


• Trust helps in healing. When you get hurt in your relationship, you get over it due to the deep trust that you have in your spouse.


• It helps control your emotions. The degree to which you trust a person determines how much of yourself you want to give to him/her. If you are hurt or annoyed at them, it is only trust that tells you that there must be some reason behind their annoying behavior.


• It is reassuring. Trust gives you the reassurance that your partner loves you despite the arguments and fights that you might have. That is the key to a long-lasting relationship.


• You don’t need justifications. When you trust your partner absolutely you don’t need to explain or justify everything. You know that your partner will understand and trust your actions and decisions.


• It teaches you about personal time and space. You don’t feel insecure about giving your partner their space. In fact, trust helps you stay close in spite of the obstacles.
So, how do you know whether you can trust your partner or not? It can be a tricky thing, but you can look for some signs.

Signs You Can Trust Your Partner
Trust in relationships is a dicey thing. Even when we have burnt our fingers in the past, we tend to trust people repeatedly. Learning from our mistakes is a wise thing, and these signs tell you when you can trust your partner:
1 Open conversations: He keeps his conversations open and transparent. He is casual and comfortable in his talk; lets his guard down with you and shares his deepest secrets and fears. That’s a sure sign you can trust him. Reciprocate his feelings by letting him know that you trust him.
2 Admits mistakes: She admits her mistakes without any inhibitions. She is honest about them and does not try to cover them up with an explanation. Honesty even in the situations where it can get uncomfortable. Like answering the questions akin to “Am I getting fat?”. Answering them honestly even with knowing that other person might not like it.
3 Shares his bank account: Sharing your expenses is one thing but sharing a bank account and being open about his finances is another. In the latter, he is transparent about his financial worth, and that he can do only if he trusts you. This is a signal that you can trust him.
4 You are her priority: She puts your needs and interests before hers and makes you feel comfortable. She makes it a point to introduce you to her friends and colleagues and lets everyone know about your relationship.
5 Listens actively: Most often we tend to interrupt our partner’s talk or have the urge to offer advice. But when your partner is listening intently to whatever you have to say, shows that he cares for you and respects your feelings, then you can trust him.
6 Physical intimacy: It’s not about sex alone, but little things such as a good morning kiss, holding hands, or hugging shows the strong bond she shares with you. She can do such acts only if she has complete faith in you.
7 Maintains eye contact: If he looks into your eyes while talking to you, be assured that he is trustworthy. It shows that he has nothing to hide from you. If he is unable to meet your eyes while talking it could mean that he is hiding something from you.
8 She takes care of your interests: She takes a keen interest in the happenings in your life whether it’s about friends, work, or anything else. She pays attention to your talk and wants to know you better than anyone else.
9 He mingles with your family and friends: He has no qualms interacting with your family and is friendly with them. He has good intentions for your family and considers them to be a part of his family. You would be lucky to get a guy like that.
10 She doesn’t mind you checking her phone: If she snatches her phone when you randomly check it, it’s not a good sign in your relationship. If she is answering the phone and checking the texts in front of you, it means she has nothing to hide from you; it’s a healthy sign.
11 He is confident and comfortable: He is his usual self and comfortable with you as he is confident about your relationship. If a person is uncomfortable in his relationship, it shows that he has something to hide. When you can confess to him without any hesitation or fear of being humiliated, it shows deep trust in your relationship.
12 Consistency in actions: In the initial days, she might put her best foot forward, but once you are well into your relationship you get to know if she is respecting your boundaries, being honest and open, and taking care of your needs or not. Also the person doesn’t make empty promises or promises that are very difficult to keep.
Trust cannot be demanded, it has to be earned. It does not come easy but takes time and effort to build.

How To Build Trust In Your Relationship

Building trust is a two-way process, it is important to trust and equally important to be trusted. That requires mutual effort and commitment. Before building trust, you need to understand each other’s expectations and what trust means to you. Here are some ways to build trust in your relationship:
1 Admit your mistakes: It’s natural to make mistakes, but owning them is not easy. The first thing on your agenda of building trust is to admit your mistakes. Don’t try to cover up your mistakes; the situation becomes messier if you do so. Repentance shows that you want to build trust.
2 Forgive each other: And when your spouse owns up his/her mistake, be humble enough to forgive. Don’t hold on to past fights, let go, accept, and make the most of ‘now’.
3 Earn your trust: Trust is not readily available in any relationship. You need to earn it by taking care of your behavior and actions.
4 Be exemplary: Behave the way you want your spouse to be. It’s as simple as that. Be truthful, responsible, faithful, caring, and honest; all these will influence your spouse to reciprocate.
5 Listen actively: When your spouse is talking to you, listen actively and without judging. They will also listen to you when you talk. This habit lays the foundation for establishing trust.
6 Keep your promises: When you make a promise make sure you stick to it. Don’t make promises just for the sake of keeping your partner happy because breaking a promise is one the easiest ways to breach trust.
7 Show interest: Know your partner’s tastes and hobbies. Show your genuine interest by being inquisitive, ask questions, and learn from them. If your spouse gets the vibes of your sincerity, you will earn their trust.
8 Be empathetic: Empathize with your partner, understand and fulfill their needs. Try to understand their problem by putting yourself in their shoes. That can help you gain a perspective and build trust.
9 Communicate transparently: Talk openly and honestly and make sure that you discuss important things in person instead of texting or talking on the phone. Messages can be misinterpreted. Talking face-to-face is easier as you can understand each other’s intentions, emotions, and body language. Effective communication is an important element in building trust.
10 Resolve rifts: Address the conflicts quickly as and when they arise. Don’t brush them under the carpet and let them pile up. Resolve them and move on.
11 Clear your doubts: If you have any doubts in your relationship talk to your partner about them instead of hesitating to ask them.
12 Keep secrets: Keep your private space private. Guard your secrets and don’t let outsiders intrude.
13 Judge less love more: Don’t criticize or judge your partner. Instead, put forth your opinions in a constructive way with the intention of helping your partner grow. Respect each other’s differences without judging.
14 Support each other: Being supportive is a given in any relationship. When you support your partner, they would want to try new things and are not hesitant to take up risks because they know that they can fall back on you for support.
Trust can, sometimes, blind the person and pave the way for betrayal. But if you still want to be in the relationship or do not want to lose your partner then it is never too late to rebuild trust.

Repairing Trust In A Relationship
Trust is the most difficult thing to establish especially after a betrayal. Betrayal happens when you cross the boundaries, when power is misused, or when you repeatedly deceive or lie to your partner. Such betrayal of trust has to be repaired for the relationship to survive. Here’s how you can do it:

  1. Be apologetic: If you are the one who has betrayed, you must acknowledge your partner’s feelings and apologize for hurting them. That’s not all; you must take responsibility for what you have done, and make every effort to show your love and care for your partner.
  2. Make a promise not to hurt again: The promise has to be real — one which you mean and intend to keep. Mould your behavior accordingly and show to your partner that you mean what you said.
  3. Analyze your feelings of hurt: If you are the betrayed, then understand your feelings. Do not deny or dismiss your hurt. So introspect on things such as, “How deeply am I hurt?” “Is my hurt staying on for years”? “What do I want from this relationship?”

Ezekiel Allotey
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ezekielallotey22@gmail.com
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